First, live for yourself and you shall not accommodate others just to make them happy. Fear not if they leave you because they never meant to stay.
People frequently get blinded by the fact that you are living for yourself not for others. Although we acknowledge the significance of living for yourself, but it is hard to actually achieve such philosophy. In our lives, we unconsciously make decision based on the happiness of others, either your love ones for your families’ interest, and it will never make you happy. A story from a friend of mine. She is so afraid that her friends, boyfriend, and families are going to be disappointed so she tries everything to keep them happy. Her method of maintaining the happiness of her love ones is through sacrificing her own time and to accommodate them by doing whatever they wanted to do. Does that lead to a life of happiness for herself? Does that mean her friends are going to stay? I am certain that it is a no. The ones that love you wouldn’t leave you because you didn’t spend time with them. The ones that love you choose to stay because they want to see you happy and being yourself is the best way. But isn’t all of us who are living unconsciously did the same thing like what she did? We choose to live for the sake of pleasing everyone around you not for the purpose of yourself. But once you dilute all your time to everyone that you love, you are barely investing any effort nor time into yourself. Eventually, even the ones that used to love you will leave because they can barely see the real you.
Secondly, you should never change yourself for the haters, because haters will never like despite how much effort you made to change yourself. You will only disappoint the ones that love the original you.
Changing yourself for haters is doing a favor for the hater to find more reasons to hate you. I don’t know how many times I’ve learned this lesson from my personal experiences. The insecurity becomes illusion that lure you to think that you are not likable or not good enough. So you continuously change yourself from any comments or judgement you receive from others, even ones you don’t know, and to a point where you don’t know what to do; because haters and negative comments just keep coming in despite how much modification you made to improve. What is even worse, the ones that love you was confused and disappointed in why you change and showing honestly and loyalty to yourself. Here’s to anyone that is suffering under such pressure. I am telling you to be comfortable with who you are and your personality. Make you positive characteristic stands out and be the driven force for your confidence, and change the negative ones into self-reflection for further improvement. However, these changes should all be based on your own observation and consideration, it should never be based on opinion from someone else. Stay true to yourself and learn to love yourself. It is very clear that you should learn to love yourself first, and get that criteria check off from your list, and then you can start giving love to others.
Lastly, sometimes you just got to drop that hesitation and doubts upon your decision/work, and start believing yourself. Asking others for assistance only gives others a chance to conclude that your achievement is not 100% from you.
I understand we all got times of hesitation and temptation to make double confirmation on things you did. It is not saying that you can’t ask others for help or suggestions. It is saying that you should individually complete your task then ask others to give comments for any further improvements. While doubting your ability is definitely not going to work, making others to disbelieve your devotion and effort in your achievement just because you ask others for help will make you relentless to pursue something higher. A family member of mine who is writing resume for a new job he wants to apply is asking another person to check on how to write the resume will only make people doubt whether gaining this working opportunities is based on your effort and your capability or others. If others question your achievement is completely not worthy for the amount of time and effort you devote into your task. So be confident, and give self-recognition for yourself, it is only when you think that you can do it, the thing you really want to achieve will be closer to you.
